i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
