i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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