Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
