woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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