Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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