Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
