So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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