U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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