Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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