I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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