Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
