I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
