Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Randomize
