I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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