I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize