I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
