toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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