I just saw a hot homeless man
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
