why didn't you poke me back
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
