We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
