So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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