She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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