My boss' voice literally gives me gas
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
