Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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