just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
