Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
you are never too drunk for berry picking
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
