I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
