I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
