your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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