by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
