mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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