I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
