I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
