Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize