the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
A bitchslap is in order.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
