You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
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He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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