I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
