He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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