i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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