You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Mom said you looked used
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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