ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
