Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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