and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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