I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
