R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
