Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
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