well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
