hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
