garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
