You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
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