so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
