Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
