My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
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