please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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