You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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