We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
