I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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