u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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