Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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