For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
