Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
