I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
