doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
