i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
